I've been thinking a lot about maternity leave lately - big shocker, right? (Among other things like getting my taxes taken care of, bringing home personal items from work, getting out the co-sleeper - I mean, I'm like a ticking time bomb at this point, people!) I'm planning to take off of work until August of 2014, when the baby will be about 16 months old. Unpaid. But I'm not complaining (okay well maybe just a little) - because I know that I'm one of the lucky mothers to even have that option. Most new moms that I know (here in the U.S.) are lucky to be able to take six weeks off with their newborns and retain their jobs.
I've also been thinking about money. I'm trying to work up basically until the moment I give birth in order to get a paycheck for as long as possible. Like me, Kevin is a teacher too, which means that we aren't exactly rolling in the green stuff, so every day that I can continue to work is important. But every morning when I wake up, I have an internal battle to force myself to go to work. Honestly at this point of my pregnancy, hormones and discomfort have completely taken over. And every day I feel like a complete failure when I head home after a long day. I just don't currently have the patience, focus, or stamina that is absolutely required in my profession, and I really feel like I just shouldn't be there at this point. But I push on - another day another dollar, right?
And while 99% of the time I feel very very fortunate to be a citizen of the United States of America, lately I've been kind of dreaming about living in, oh say Sweden where they're given 480 paid days per child? Or in Denmark where women get paid time off for four weeks before giving birth. Or most any other country in the industrialized world:
Even though we have scrimped and saved enough for me to take a long unpaid leave, I feel guilty about spending that savings. Because heck, we could be using that money as a down payment on a bigger home, to pay off our student loans or free ourselves of our car payment, or on an amazing vacation (or two or three), or even just as an emergency fund. Kev would love to move out of our tiny casa (and some days so would I!) but he knows that being home with our children as much as possible is really important to me. And so we continue to make our little home work for us.
Making these big decisions is tough, and we try to take them as they come and make the best choice that we can at the time. Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball that would let me know if we were doing it 'right' - if everything was going to work out in the end. Because as much as I want to live in the present (childhood is so fleeting - I don't want to miss a minute of it!), I also don't want to be working until I'm eighty or become a financial burden to my children. I want to enjoy my golden years as much as my younger ones. Travel. Be comfortable.
Finding that balance is tough.
For now I guess I'll just try to take things one day at a time, keep putting one foot in front of the other until this baby is born, and hope for the best. (And pray that my fairy godmother comes, cleans my house, gives my kid a bath (I mean seriously, leaning over the tub at almost 37 weeks pregnant is no joke), and tells me to put my feet up and just relax already! Hey, a girl can dream, right?) xo, Lauren
Maternity leave is stressful. That is for sure. I will say that it has been easier than we expected to live on less. Especially if you saved up for it. And seriously - you won't get out shopping etc as much as you think!
ReplyDeleteOne of my husband's colleagues gave him some advice as we were approaching my due date and it was "don't expect to come out ahead. Just try to break even (as in don't go INTO debt)". That helped him because he is a saver and he had to realize that we wouldn't be able to save as much as usual (maybe not at all).
Yes, the last time I was off with Violet I went back when she was around nine months old, so we do know what it's like and what you are saying is totally true. Our savings were essentially depleted, but we made it without any debt. That's the goal this time too!
DeleteThat info graphic is wrong, in Canada we get 15 weeks maternity leave and 35 weeks parental leave, for a total of 50 weeks, or 350 days- if the mother uses all of the parental leave, it can be split between both parents but most moms I know take the whole 50 weeks themselves.
ReplyDeleteAh sounds lovely!
Deletereally interesting, Lauren.
ReplyDeletei don't know the exact statistics but do know that the swedes pay over 50% of their income in taxes. i am guessing that plays a big part of being able to afford so much maternity leave. My guess is that it all evens out when compared to us not being paid if we choose to take a year off with our new baby.
anyway keep on keeping on! xo, shari
Yes I picked probably the most extreme example :), but if basically every other industrialized country can afford some form of paid maternity leave I think ours could at the very least pay us for the twelve weeks of FMLA.
DeleteIt always boggles my mind how the US can claim to be first in so many things but expect parents to go back to work after 6 weeks post-partum and give them nothing. I commend you for taking the extra steps and living on less to stay at home as long as you can! Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!! I'm commend you and your family for making this decision. We have a 10 month old and chose for me to return to work. It's very hard, but what was right for us.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to hear about how your family pinches pennies in anticipation of going so long on one income. :) I bet I could learn a thing or two.
I don't know anything about maternity leave but you've got a such a good attitude towards the whole situation so you deserve a pat on the back for that! Can't believe Aussie mum's get a whole year off work, paid! Think I might migrate over there when I fancy having a kiddy wink ;)
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I'm 27 weeks pregnant and just talked to my boss about my plans for maternity leave: like you, I'm planning to work as long as I can. My job is flexible enough that I'm planning to come to work until my due date, then work from home until the baby arrives (because I have a secret terror of my water breaking at work). I'm planning on 8 weeks after the baby is born, which doesn't feel like nearly long enough.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand, Lauren. I am a kindergarten teacher, and my husband is a school counselor. I just gave birth to our second baby girl three weeks ago, and my maternity leave is already half over. As a young teacher, I wipe out all of my sick days each time a new baby arrives, and my leave is always only six weeks...since I've been lucky enough to get a week of spring break each time.
ReplyDeleteI always feel guilty going back to work. As much as I would love to stay home with my girls, I know it's not possible. Plus, I think it's good for our kids to see us work and to also get the opportunity have peer interaction at the sitter's. I'll be counting down the days until summer break when I go back. And I'll be thinking of you and your sweet girls.
These same thoughts have been going through my head lately too! I'm only planning to take time off through this labor day and 8 weeks of it will still be unpaid {and i'm just stressing about that...I can't imagine all the way to 2014!}. But I agree, above all else, it's important to be home with your kiddos and they will remember that!! I also have NO motivation to work right now, it is so hard getting up each day and going in....3 weeks, 2 days left...
ReplyDeleteI wish I got a year off paid! :) In Australia we actually get 18 weeks paid at the minimum wage. Not complaining though!!! The year thing you might be confused about is that they legally have to keep our job for a year if we decide to stay home that long :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so great you're prepared and able to take a nice big chunk of maternity leave. I think about the way me and my siblings were raised - wherein our mum didn't work at all until we were all in school and how much benefit we received from that (despite the fact that we were really quite poor). I am in Australia and am taking 18 weeks of paid leave at the national minimum wage ($606 p/w which the government pays you) and then making it up to 52 weeks in total (the rest unpaid). The benefits of being able to be at home with my baby as long as possible hugely outweigh the monetary ones in my mind. I feel horrible for mothers who are forced back into work well before they and their child are ready and then have to pay for expensive childcare.
ReplyDeleteI am from Europe, where we have pretty good maternity leave. Now I live in the US and I honestly don't know how the moms do it here. There should be a protest or something..;)
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